My Mother, 94 years, passed away 26/3/2011

My mother finally took her last breath while sitting on a chair in her own house. With no sign of life in her eyes, she took deep slow breath for 2 hours, before blowing a last loud breath at about 11.30 am 26/4/2011. A brother and I with our wives were caring for her till the last breath. Unfortunately, despite 'appeal' to her to hold on and wait for the arrival of rest of the sons/daughters, she just could not make that effort.

Prior to mid-Dec 2010, my mother only needed our help to get her up from the bed. Thereafter, she would need her walking stick and the other hand to push a chair as her other support. She would sit on the potty chair to pee/poo , or she would go to the toilet by herself. Generally she had been 'clean' and easy to care for. Brother /sister (those who retired) rotated to keep an eye on her, bought her food, brought food and drink on table in front of her and she would scoop the food with one hand (the other hand was weak to reach table top). A sister would bathe her every evening.

Unfortunately she had a slight fall in Dec 2010, and since then she could not standup or walk as she felt weakness in both legs. She had to sit in wheelchair. Within a month of this condition, she developed incontinence and loss of bowel control. She would then became 'messy'.

We decided to put her permanently (the moment we raised her from bed) on potty chair. To prevent sores, we put cushion or 'swimming ring' for her to sit on. Mostly the sons washed her anus after every 'poo'. For bathing, one sister would come with help of a brother. After clean washing by the sister, the brother would lift the mother (with arm aroudn her armpit, facing her) up from the potty chair so that the sister (or another brother ) would mop dry the lower body and buttock.

For past few months (from January till her death 26/4/2011), every sons/daughter made sacrifice (time and energy) to ensure comfort for the mother. Mother appetite decreased rapidly in these few months, and started to take only few sips of porridge only from mid-Feb. We bought nutrient drinks to suppplement her diet. Towards the last 3-4 weeks, she sometimes refused to even swallow the water in her mouth. I had to squeeze her nose to force her to open mouth which led to her swallowing the water. Even during her last few breaths on 26/4/2011, my brother has fer her in morning few pieces fo bread soaked in coffee, but did no swallow these. It was only when helping her to breath that I noticed some dark matter in her mouth. Upon opening her mouth, I noticed the dark matter was bread and removed them with a spoon. One hour after doing this, my mother then took her last breath.

With her death, the most burden that had been laying on me for the past years finally lifted off. I had bad dreams previously (even when my mother was 70-80 years old) that my mom would pass away while I was not able to be at her side. Now that I was able to see her go sway peacefully right in front of her eyes, I felt so at ease (though very sad).
I missed the chance to carry my mom again.